The Other Side
by Lint
Summary: He can't let her go, even when she asks. Post Maelstrom.
1. Chapter 1

He is not supposed to be here.

His mind is screaming the statement into conscious thought, while the instinct of it is felt down into the marrow of his bones.

This is not his place.

This is not his time.

He does not belong.

The vast emptiness of space engulfs his floating form, but there are no stars, no nebulas, no galaxies to view. He can't see anything other than a reflection of himself in his helmet, his own blue eyes wide with fear.

He can barely remember what happened.

Kara.

He remembers chasing after...

That can't be right. The floating seems familiar somehow, the deja vu is almost overwhelming, and he can feel it manifest itself into pressure on his chest. He thinks of the blackbird, of floating endlessly. No, that's not it. That happened. It isn't happening.

He was in his viper. Yes, that's it. His mark VII, not those old shoe boxes the others had to fly around in, though Starbuck was always so fond of hers.

Starbuck.

Oh gods, Kara.

She's gone.

She's...

But if she's gone, if he'd seen her go, where was he? Did he not make out? Did he follow?

No, if that were true, there wouldn't be enough of him left to be thinking at all. Dark circles and ashes. We all fall down.

A light.

Just a pinprick in the distance but he sees it now, he can feel himself gravitate toward it, there's just the slightest pull. It's slow, so excruciatingly slow. He must be dying. He must be dead. He can see Dee weeping for him. He can see his father's anger at disobeying orders.

Orders?

Yes, he can hear them.

"Apollo get out of there! Abort! Abort!"

Had he really disobeyed?

Maybe the pull was far too much to fight. Maybe he wasn't strong enough. Maybe the thought of losing her was finally enough to let himself go. Maybe...

The light is bigger now, almost the size of a pyramid ball. He's moving faster.

"I'm the CAG, it's my call."

His words. His voice. His hands move to his mouth but are impeded by the glass of his helmet.

Had he really said that?

He opens his mouth but no sound comes out.

"I don't trust myself."

Kara. Her words. Her voice. Is she here?

"So trust me."

The light is closer now, almost the size of a viper, waiting to engulf him.

"It's okay, just let me go."

But he didn't. He couldn't.

He remembers red, orange, and black.

He was swallowed by the black.

"No!"

"Nooo!"

The light surrounds him.

He drowns in white.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

When his eyes clear he is surrounded by walls and a ceiling. By carpet and furniture and pictures. He's surrounded by air, sunlight, and confusion. He spins around gathering his bearings, almost never realizing that his helmet is somehow gone.

What in the name of the gods happened? He was floating. He was lost. He was either dying or dead and now it seems like he has stopped by someplace for a visit.

He moves to the closest window and feels the sunshine on his face, sees a true blue sky above. He knows this place. Caprica City. Sharon and Helo, from what he remembers of their retelling of their adventures on the bombed out planet, was that Caprica City was a ghost town. The skeletons of abandoned buildings stretching out for miles, all left to rot.

What he sees out of the window is a city just the opposite.

This place, this time, it's alive.

He hears a door open somewhere and quickly checks his surroundings for an easy place to hide. Wherever, whatever this place was, he knows he doesn't live here. A second's hesitation is a second too long because a man, who looks vaguely familiar, strolls right passed him and never even notices.

Lee looks sharply at him. He has seen this man somewhere before. An old photograph maybe. One that had been kept so long in the back of a storage locker, and had been looked at so many times that it was brittle and worn.

The man makes his way to the corner toward a piano Lee hadn't noticed before. He briefly thinks of his childhood. Of his mother and forced lessons because she wanted him to do something, anything, else than dream of being a viper pilot.

Lee watches as the man gathers sheet music from the top of the instrument and tosses them into a briefcase. He pauses after he clasps the locks shut, and looks around the room, past Lee and off into space. Lee's brow creases in confusion. He is here. He is standing right frakking here. How can he not see him?

The look in the man's far off eyes is one Lee recognizes. It's the one he'd seen on his own father's face the day he left.

His breath catches when he realizes just who this man is.

And he also realizes that this is the day that he's always been aware of, but Kara has never spoken about. He is almost hesitant, her father. He seems to be second guessing himself.

A bouncing bundle of energy followed by a mane of blonde flowing hair bounds into the room. Right passed Lee, she too never taking notice. "Daddy, daddy!" She says with a child's delight. "Where you goin'?"

Lee smiles sadly as Kara's father places his hand on his daughters head as she wraps herself firmly around his leg. He smiles instantly, and suddenly looks guilty for the expression. He doesn't want to be happy in this moment. Not when he knows what he's about to do. He leans over so that he's eye to eye with his little girl.

"Out," he says. "But only for a little while."

Lee grimaces to himself. She hasn't learned what a lie sounds like yet.

"You gonna play your music?" She asks.

"Yes I am," he replies, gently moving her from his leg and kneeling down to keep the eye contact. "Now you behave yourself while I'm gone my little starbucker, and mind your mother."

Starbucker? Lee thinks to himself.

He taps the tip of her nose playfully.

"You're a special little girl Kara," he says, his voice thick with emotion. "I want you to remember that."

"I will daddy," she promises.

Lee's heart freezes in his chest. Kara looks so happy in this moment. So content. It kills him that, the little girl in front of him is about to get her first lesson in pain. And he now knows why it still hurts Kara to this day to talk about her father. It's as if this moment in her life has happened every single day since then.

He back peddles away from them, feeling very much the intruder on memories that aren't his. Memories he was never meant to see.

The sunlight grows brighter, melting away the images.

There's a tap on his shoulder and he spins around quickly to come eye to eye with a cruelly smiling cylon.

"Major Adama," Leoben says smoothly. "You do not belong here."

Lee's eyes grow wide. 

Once again he drowns in white. 


	2. Chapter 2

He is standing on the bank of a river. It's been so long since Lee has heard flowing water that hasn't come from a shower head. He kneels down wanting to dip his fingers into it but is disappointed when he feels nothing.

"I see the universe," Leoben says behind him. "I see patterns."

Lee spins around immediately reaching for his firearm. He had forgotten the cylon was there. Patting his leg he finds that his gun is gone and swiftly falls into a fighting stance.

"How things fit together," Leoben continues, ignoring Lee's defense.

"Where are we?" Lee demands.

"You do not fit any pattern I have seen." the cylon says as it moves closer to him. "I'm amazed you made the sacrifice, let alone survived the journey."

"Where are we?" Lee screams again. 

"We are standing on the shore, where the current will never take us downstream."

"What the frak does that mean?"

"This is not your destiny. This is not your path, yet here you are." Leoben says smiling slowly, the simple hint of movement laced with cruel intention. "Are you afraid of death Major?" he asks. "I wouldn't think so, as many times as you've been on his doorstep."

"Only crazy people aren't afraid of dying," Lee replies as he moves closer to the machine, arms tensed with fists just begging to be sprung loose.

"Death is nothing to be feared," he goes on, continually ignoring Lee's physical threat. "It is an inevitable fact of life. And once you accept it, once you embrace it, it's beautiful."

"If you're so enamored with death," Lee says. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you."

"You're welcome to try," Leoben challenges. "But if you strike me, if you could harm me in any way, do you think it's pain I would feel, in this place?"

Lee's anger falters the slightest bit and he stares into the eyes of the machine in front of him, the maddening confusion settling in. Kara had told him about this model. He likes to confuse. He likes to mix lies with the truth. He likes to make you uncomfortable. It irritates Lee that this thing is doing exactly that to him. That it is doing it so well.

"I'm dead aren't I?" He asks.

"You're physical form has been left behind," Leoben answers. "You couldn't be here otherwise. Tell me Major, do you think you're a cylon?"

"No," Lee shoots back quickly.

"But you're body is gone, nothing but ashes and dust. Yet your consciousness is here journeying toward another. Doesn't that sound the least bit familiar?"

"I'm not a cylon."

Leoben smiles that slow twisted smile and Lee really wishes he had his gun.

"Perhaps that is the wrong question. Perhaps the right question is do you think she's a cylon?"

"That's impossible," Lee answers firmly. "Kara was a child. Two minutes ago I was looking right at the little girl she used to be. She is not a frakking cylon."

"There are twelve models," Leoben replies. "How many have you identified?"

Lee says nothing to that.

"Perhaps she was implanted in Socrata Thrace. Perhaps she was brought up human. Perhaps all that pain, all that suffering, was manufactured for her to accept her true nature when the timing was right."

Lee can feel his fists clench so tightly his nails cut into his palms. The urge to punch that confident smirk is overwhelming.

"You're lying," he says. "You're trying to confuse me. You're a machine. That's what you do."

"Am I? Wouldn't that explain why Kara and I are so connected?"

This time Lee does throw a punch, falling off balance when his hand connects with nothing. Leoben chuckles softly, only causing Lee's anger to intensify.

"You don't get to call her by name," he seethes. "If you refer to her at all you call her Starbuck or so help me gods..."

"You're not in a position to making threats," the cylon replies smoothly.

"I'm not in a position to do anything," Lee sighs. "I'm a ghost."

"I don't recall us clarifying that."

Lee puts his hand to his forehead in frustration. "Are we going to talk in circles forever?"

His eyes are closed and he doesn't even notice the light this time.

"No," Leoben says. "We're going downstream."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

They're in a bedroom. The curtains are drawn so there's only a small beam of light trailing across the floor. It takes a minute for Lee's eyes to adjust. There's a dresser with a large mirror attached and he doesn't see himself in the reflection. His stomach drops. The dying and being a ghost thing is looking closer to a reality.

"What are we doing here?" He asks.

"Watch," Leoben answers, nodding his head toward the closet.

Lee sees Karaon her hands and knees rustling in the bottom of the closet. This incarnation is slightly older than the previous one. There's a bag of plastic bugs next to her, and she pulls out handfuls at a time, dropping them all over various pairs of shoes. The look of determination set in her eyes is one far too old for such a young face.

"What is she doing?" he asks.

"Her mother was a soldier once, stationed in the dankest of jungles. She grew to be terrified of bugs, despised them for the rest of her life."

"Then why is Kara putting them all over her mother's shoes?"

"Payback."

"Payback for what?"

Leoben doesn't answer, but Lee finally notices the bandage wrapped around little Kara's head. He starts to move toward her but the cylon holds him back.

"It is not your place to interfere. You could not stop it even if you were really here. Pain is her teacher. Suffering is her reason."

"I don't want to see what's going to happen," Lee says quietly.

"Don't you?" Leoben replies. " Isn't that why you came? Isn't that why you followed?"

"I..." he beings.

"Watch," Leoben says again.

There's a voice out in the hallway and little Kara jumps up and tears out of the room. Lee's hands begin to shake when Socrata Thrace walks into the bedroom, running a brush through still damp hair. She is fully dressed in casual clothes, except for her bare feet. He can feel his heart rate increase when she walks straight toward the closet.

Her scream makes Lee jump and his eyes shoot directly to little Kara now standing in the doorway watching her mother's panic attack. Socrata is on her hands and knees smashing the little rubber bugs with her shoes, only causing them to bounce around even more.

Kara tries to make a run for it while her mother looks up and sees her there, and she almost gets away. Lee tries to move to her again but Leoben is quick to stop him once more.

"You little brat!" Socrata yells grabbing Kara's arm and yanking with far too much force for a child. "You think this is funny?"

Kara struggles to get away but her mother's grip is too strong.

"Give me your hand!" She demands.

Lee watches helplessly as Kara's mother places her hand on the doorframe.

"I don't want to see this," he says again. But his objection is too late and he can only flinch as the door slams.

Socrata leaves the room and ignores the cries of her daughter. Lee brushes past Leoben and moves to kneel in front of little Kara. She's cradling her wounded hand to her chest and sniffling softly. He moves his hand to brush some hair away from her forehead as if he could really touch her.

"You think you know her," Leoben says behind him. "You think you understand."

Little Kara looks up right into Lee's eyes and he swears that through her tears she can see him.

This memory doesn't cause his heart to freeze.

It just shatters into a thousand jagged pieces. 


	3. Chapter 3

They are on a bridge. Lee checks left to right and sees that it appears to connect nothing to nowhere. He can feel the presence of the machine behind him but he does not turn to see. His eyes burn with tears that will not fall.

Kara.

Dear gods she was just a little girl.

"Is there a point to all this?" Lee asks coldly. "This is her journey remember?" Leoben asks in reply. "Her destiny. What you see are merely the stepping stones she took to complete it."

Lee turns to face him, anger radiating off of him in waves.

"What kind of destiny would ever be worth so much pain?" He asks through clenched teeth. "You were there, you saw what her mother did. What possible good could ever come of that?"

"Tell me Major, have you thought about what this place is at all?" Leoben asks.

Lee keeps his face blank. He's thought about nothing else.

"What if that's all it took for this bridge to open? What if for humanity's ultimate survival, all the gods asked was for one single sacrifice?"

Lee falters at that little revelation. He knows he would sacrifice himself for that particular goal without hesitation. But a simple death is one thing. What he doesn't understand is the twenty-eight years of continual heartbreak and aguish. Of feeling like, no matter what you did or might have done, it was never good enough. It does not make the least bit of sense to him.

"You don't believe in the gods," he counters weakly.

"I'm merely speaking in terms you'll understand."

Leoben walks to the edge of the bridge, Lee follows and looks down, and the vastness of the space below is something he can't find his mind can comprehend. It's endless. It's forever. He stumbles backward, finding he can't look anymore.

"What if that sacrifice led you to Earth?"

Earth, Lee thinks to himself. Everything always comes back to Earth.

"Why did it have to be her?" He asks.

"I suppose that's why the call it destiny Major. No one gets to choose."

Lee's eyebrow arches at that, his curiosity getting the best of him.

"Then what is mine?"

"That," Leoben starts cryptically. "Has yet to be determined."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

There are at a pyramid court. The crowd is deafening as it roars at the action displayed in front of them. Lee looks around, the energy of the people immediately taking hold. The last time he'd attended a pyramid game was the playoffs three years ago between Picon and Aerilon. He'd gotten the tickets in the biggest triad pot he'd ever won, and somehow managed to get leave in time to actually see the game.

This isn't a pro game. The logo in the middle of the court reads 'West Athenian High School.' He recalls that the school was indeed on the west end of Caprica City, literally on the other side of the tracks. His own alma mater had played them several times and he doesn't think ever missed a game in those days.

This game is a close one. The scoreboard reads 9-8. The two teams take no mercy on each other. There are elbows being thrown left and right and far more ruthless tackles than the pro game. He watches as one of the West Athenian players smashes a knee into the biggest member of the opposition. The goliath topples over and the home player leaps over his fallen form, catches a pass in midair, and slams the goal home.

The crowd irrupts around them and Lee can't help but jump out of his seat with the rest of them. The goal scorer has both her, yes her, fists in the air and the crowd starts the chant.

"Starbuck! Starbuck! Starbuck!"

Lee shoots a look to Leoben, who's looking back as if he expected this reaction. Of course he did.

"She's had that nickname long before it ever became a call sign," he answers Lee's unasked question.

Lee nods and sits back down. It shouldn't surprise him. He'd known Kara was one hell of a pyramid player before she ever became a pilot. And he also knows that pyramid teams tended to give each other nicknames similar to pilots getting call signs. He remembers what her father called her, and knows Kara had picked her own.

"Her mother never approved of this. She'd always known Kara was meant for more, but she could have gone pro," Leoben says. "There are scouts everywhere in this crowd. From Picon, Libran, Scorpia, Gemenon, Leonis, and Caprica. Half the teams in the league wanted a shot at her and they all have contracts waiting. Right after this game." 

Leoben's eyes move back to the game and Lee's attention follows.

"Flying was second nature to her. A natural born instinct. But the game, that was her passion."

Lee watches her on the court, playing the game like she flew her viper. Never giving ground, never backing down. Running circles around everyone because she was always miles ahead. She's so aggressive and yet somehow makes it look so graceful. He smirks as he notices what number she's wearing. Unlucky, cancerous, frak up Kara Thrace appropriately chose to wear the number thirteen. He laughs silently to himself. That number also means so much more when you really think about it.

"She would have been happy if she made it," Lee says more to himself than his companion.

"Is that what you think?

"Being a colonies famous pyramid player over a frakked up viper jockey?" Lee replies. "I do."

Leoben grins. Lee is really starting to hate the feeling that there's a continual joke he's not being let in on.

"We both know that isn't true," the cylon says.

Lee swallows dryly. He knows it isn't. He knows what's going to happen to her. He remembers now. He'd just wanted to think of her as being capable of such a feeling. Right now, in this moment, with the crowd at her back and the ball in her hand, he knows she truly is happy.

He finds himself cursing the gods because he's just counting down the seconds until they take it all away from her.

"If she had followed this path," Leoben says. "If she'd gotten her dream. All would be lost."

"Don't you think you're overstating it?" Lee asks.

"Let me put it in terms you'll understand," Leoben answers. "You never would have survived as long as you have without her. Humanity never would have survived this long without her. Think of it that way."

Lee reflects on that silently for awhile. Truth be told he can't imagine surviving the battle with the cylons without Starbuck on his wing. And truth be told, never mind the fact the he feels like he can't trust her with his heart, he can't imagine surviving life with out Kara by his side.

She scores another goal. The crowds intensity is on the brink of madness. Lee chews the inside of his cheek because he can see what's coming. The goliath she had so easily dispatched, the one she had humiliated earlier, is stalking her every move. He's biding his time, waiting for his opening.

Lee can feel Leoben's eyes on him, waiting to gage whatever reaction he might give.

Kara takes another flying leap toward the goal, and goliath has his opening. He grabs her mid flight, snatching her right leg in his massive grip, and twisting that leg in a direction it was never meant to go. He lets her drop to the ground, and the crowd is instantly hushed. Kara writhes on the court, clutching at her knee and growling in pain.

Another dream struck down in the name of destiny. He is already sick to death of the word. 

Lee sets his jaw and turns to face his companion, not wanting to give him the satisfaction, but Leoben only smiles.

"All the gods ask," he says. "Is sacrifice." 


	4. Chapter 4

They are on a lone stretch of highway. Miles long traveled, with many more to go.

Lee wants to collapse onto the asphalt and never move again, he finds himself so tired. He's thirsty and hungry, which he can't help but think a little strange. His body is gone and the need for such things should be gone as well, but his mind still yearns for nourishment.

Leoben stands idly by, not saying a word. No cryptic messages. No life shattering revelations.

It's only a matter of time, Lee thinks.

More than a few minutes pass and the cylon is still quiet, and Lee can't help but feel the silence becoming more and more uncomfortable. Leoben's eyes are burning a hole in the back of his head but he won't turn around to look.

He thinks of this afterlife. He thinks that everything he's been brought up to believe is turning out to be a lie. If the stories in the scriptures were true the one's he loved and left behind would have been waiting for him. His mother and Zak would have been here with open arms, welcoming him to the end. Sadly they are nowhere to be found. Kara is nowhere to be found.

He thinks of his father. He can see him sitting in his quarters, tinkering with that old model ship. He wonders just how the old man is taking the loss of two people closest to him in the fleet. One his blood, the other might as well be. He wonders how much ambrosia it will take to numb the pain. 

He thinks of Dee and wonders how could she love such a selfish man. How she could give her heart to him, how things can be the best they've ever been, only for him to lose his life without a single thought for someone who wasn't her.

He thinks of Helo, Sharon, Cally, and the Chief. He and Kara's closest friends. He can see them all standing around the memorial deck putting their pictures up. He can see the chief saying a few words of scripture. He can see Cally and Sharon's tears, and Helo's comforting understanding surrounded them all.

He thinks of Sam Anders and feels guilty for being the other man. Sam was not a bad guy. He loved Kara as much as anyone was allowed to. He made her happy while he could. He was willing to walk away to let Kara sort out her feelings for him, and was just as happy to accept her back when he had shot her down. He was a good enough man not to hold it against Lee because he knew there was something between Lee and Kara that no one would ever want to get in the way of. 

He thinks of Kara. He thinks about how much he thought her knew her. He thinks about looking into her eyes whenever they dared to do such a thing, and seeing what was inside. Knowing now that whatever he thought he saw, was only something resting on the surface. He thinks about what is between them. He thinks that, even when they found themselves in each others arms, they never could find the words to make the other stay. He thinks about missing her so much he wants to die all over again.

"Memories can be dangerous," Leoben says breaking his silence, as if he's reading Lee's mind. "They can burrow their way into your brain and lay dormant. You never being the wiser until one day they're triggered by someone unforeseen event and you're lost in yourself to the point where you're staring death in the face knowing you have a choice."

"You said she never had a choice."

"I'm not talking about her."

Lee turns to look at him.

"From what I know you had a choice Major. You could have pulled back. You could have lived."

"And how do you know all this?"

"I see things," Leoben says. "And the more I see you the more I know . I see you watching all that was Kara Thrace's life before you. I see her pain become your pain. I see your will and your want to take that pain away from her. I see you doing anything to complete this goal."

Lee turns away from him again and stares down the endless road.

"I see you taking your hand off the controls," Leoben goes on behind him. "I see your giving your final apologies. I see you closing your eyes. I see you praying that you find her."

Lee feels his body stiffen. The words have the bitter sting of truth in them. He had done those things. He had made a choice.

"What I don't see," Leoben says. "Is why they accepted you as well."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

They are in an academy bunk room on Picon. It must be late afternoon because the sun is barely there falling lazily along the bunks. It's the shadows that catch his attention. The shaded forms of two people popping up from one of the beds. Their voices are muffled despite the fact that the room is empty. He knows one of those voices is Kara's. Her hears her soft giggle and can't help the smile from forming. At least she's happy this time. Leoben leads him around a row of lockers and the smile instantly drops from his face.

Zak is there, laid out on a bunk, covered only by a sheet. It's been so long since he's seen his brother. He never brought any personal belongings to Galactica because it was to be such a short stopover those years ago. He doesn't even have a picture. And all the photos his father has aren't how Lee remembers him. Still, for not seeing Zak in so long, having to see him like this for the first time is not making it easy. It doesn't take an oracle to see what had happened just a few moments before he and Leoben came strolling in.

"She loved him more than she ever thought she could," the cylon says. "More than her broken heart could take."

Lee can see that between them in this moment. He never had before. This isn't how people act when others are around. When others are watching.

"I know," he says quietly.

"You didn't," Leoben counters. "But you do now."

"I want you to tell me the truth about something," Zak says.

Lee's stomach churns as his brother speaks, and he takes in a shaky breath. He misses talking with his brother more than he ever realized. He turns his gaze over to Kara who's sipping from a bottle she's pulled from her locker, his eye catching a picture of the three of them over her shoulder.

"You passed," she says practically mid swallow. "By the skin of your teeth, but you passed."

"How does that make you feel?" Leoben asks, moving closer to him. Far too close for comfort. "She finally had something good in her life. Something she thought she deserved. The one time she puts her heart first and your only brother dies as a result."

"I..." Lee can't find the words.

"I don't want any special treatment," Zak goes on. "Not from my father. And certainly not from you."

"How easy it was for you to put the blame on your father. You already had so much hate in your heart for his leaving you and your family. For leaving you to try and raise your brother on your own."

Kara walks back to the bed, just past the two of them, her eyes focused only on the man she loves.

"Zak, I am a flight instructor. I am not going to send you to vipers if you don't have the chops, okay?"

He watches as they fall back into each other so naturally, and feels an oh so painful pang of jealousy. 

"Even when she told you the truth. That it was her doing, that it was her fault, your anger at Zak's death was still directed at your father. You never once considered being angry with her. For so many other things she infuriates you, but never for that."

Lee steps backward, wanting to put as much distance between himself and them and this scene of happily never after.

"For a happily married man you're taking this awfully hard."

The frustration is instantaneous because he wants to punch something so badly and knows he can't.

"She hasn't met you yet if that helps," Leoben sighs. "She hasn't learned what it means to really care for someone."

Zak and Kara aren't done and Lee wants to be anywhere else in the universe other than this room.

"Do you see why it's so hard for her to give her heart to you?" Leoben asks. "Do you see why she keeps you at bay? She wanted to be an Adama once and he paid for it with his life."

Lee turns his head away from them, the envy of the moment so much that he feels disgusted with himself. He won't allow the thought of him loving Kara more than Zak ever did cross his mind because the falseness of such an idea is blatant. They loved her in completely different ways.

They are not stopping, Kara was never a quiet girl, and Leoben doesn't seem to want to take him away. He closes his eyes and prays to the gods to take him somewhere else.

"You miss her more than you're even aware of," Leoben whispers. "You love her more than you think I can see."

Please gods, he begs. Anywhere else but here.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

When he opens his eyes he is suddenly there, on the day he'd been thinking about in his prayer. The one place he wanted to escape to in this land of Kara's memories. He can't help but think that the gods actually listen if you beg hard enough. Something he wasn't ashamed to do.

He's in his uniform with the Picon sun beaming onto his shoulders, and can't see Leoben out of the corners of his eyes. Can't feel that cold presence behind him. He takes a deep breath and almost feels it in his lungs. He swallows back a sensation he remembers feeling the second he laid eyes on her.

He's staring directly into the challenging eyes of his brother's girlfriend, and she's staring back. He looks over her shoulder to Zak who's smiling as if he's waited for this moment.

"Lee Adama," he says as if he's reciting lines from a script, offering his hand for her to shake.

"Kara Thrace," she says smiling, offering her hand in return.

Her smile in contagious and he finds himself doing the same before their hands even touch.

Once her hand clasps between his the sensation is so overwhelming he feels he might buckle from the pressure.

It's her, he realizes. It's her smile he's matching. It's the heat of her skin he feels pressed into his. It's her eyes he's staring into that go wide with recognition.

"Lee?" She nearly shouts, yanking him closer to her as if challenging him to a fight. "What the frak are you doing here?"

He starts to answer but is cut off by laughter. They both look over her shoulder at Zak who is no longer Zak.

Leoben is laughing to himself at the sight of the two of them.

"I see it," he says in between fits. "I see it. I couldn't before, but it all makes sense now."

Lee and Kara both scowl at him.

"Now we can talk," he says, his own eyes falling on their still entwined hands. "Now we can talk about a lot of things." 


	5. Chapter 5

They are on the Gemenon traveler. Lee looks around at the shiny steel walls. It's not a cell exactly, but he definitely gets the feeling it's a room you're not supposed to leave. Kara sits next to him at a steel table bolted to the floor. She isn't looking at him. Her eyes seem to be caught on a bucket of water sitting in the middle of the room, and the question is there, but he doesn't ask.

It wasn't a fluke his finding her. She's still here, sitting right next to him, scowling like this is something she hasn't expected.

He doesn't care if she's angry. He doesn't care that the shock of seeing him has worn off and she hasn't said a word. He doesn't care about what Leoben is going to say to them whenever he decides to show up.

She is here, within arms reach, and she isn't going through some life altering trauma he's forced to watch and have his heart ripped apart every single time. He reaches for her right hand and is surprised when she doesn't pull away. And before he thinks the better of it, he can't help but say, "This is the one."

Kara's eyes widen with shock and anger, but her lip quivers the slightest bit, and Lee knows it is the hand that felt the wrath of that door all those years ago. She doesn't ask how he knows. She only rips her hand from his and holds it against her chest, absently rubbing at the knuckles.

"What were you thinking Lee?" She asks. "I told you I wasn't afraid. I asked you to let me go."

"Maybe I wasn't ready to do that," Lee counters.

"Frak you," she says through clenched teeth. "You had your father. You had Dee. You had so many things back there for you. Coming after me was a death sentence."

Lee has no reply to that. She's mad at him. Fine. He honestly didn't expect some kind of heart warming reunion. He doesn't know what kind of reaction he expected from her once she learned he followed her into certain death. The only thing he can take from this is the fact this she hasn't gotten up to move away from him. That she's not running away. 

"I wasn't thinking," he answers quietly. "One of the only times in my life I didn't break down all the possibilities. I didn't over analyze. I saw you go and I just couldn't..."

Leoben chooses that moment to make an appearance as he walks through the door, that cruel grin plastered on his face. 

"Now that you're reacquainted," he says. "We can begin."

Kara isn't surprised to see him and Lee wonders if that means anything. Leoben circles around the table, his eyes speaking volumes that haven't quite reached his mouth. Lee leans into Kara, ignoring the machine walking around them.

"What does your destiny have to do with the cylons?" He whispers.

Kara doesn't even flinch.

"He's not a cylon." She says, her eyes catching Leoben's before moving to Lee's. The confusion is evident on his face and all she can do is shrug in response.

"I don't know what he is," she goes on. "I never thought to ask."

Lee's eyes turn to the third man in the room, his mind going blank on what to refer to him as.

Leoben leans on the table grinning. "For continuities sake," He says. "I'm going to stick with this form."

His eyes move to Kara.

"You're angry," he states, his gaze moving over to Lee. "At him?"

Kara looks back to the bucket of water.

"I'm not going to use that if you don't tell me," He says, that smile coming back into play. He turns to Lee. "We've seen a lot haven't we?"

Lee doesn't reply.

"And throughout our travels I could never come to a conclusion as to why you were there at all. Why you were so willing to be."

He moves to sit haphazardly on the table in front of Kara.

"You took some convincing," he grins. "A shove here, a gentle nudge there. You had been told your whole life that you were special but when it was right in front of you, when you saw what you had created with your own hand, I still had to make you see what you were meant to do."

Lee is looking so hard at Kara but she refuses to look back at him. Leoben moves into Lee's eye line, interrupting his stare.

"You however," he says. "Took no convincing. No push, no shove. She blew up right in front of you, and you blew up right after."

He looks back to Kara.

"Did you know that?" He asks her. "That he was so willing to do that for you. Because of you?"

"I didn't ask him to," Kara retorts.

"My point exactly," Leoben counters. "You didn't have to. He cared for you enough to chase you into death. He cared enough for his heart to burst at every agonizing detail of your life in this place."

Lee and Kara's eyes meet, and he can see the sheen of tears threatening to form. He reaches out a hand and despite a spilt second hesitation, she takes it. The warmth of her touch spreads through him and he is grateful the rules had suddenly changed when it came to physical contact. "This is what I mean," Leoben says. "She's angry with you right now. For dying, for leaving the old man behind, but still lets you try to comfort her."

"We're friends," Lee says.

"You're so much more than that," Leoben counters. "Don't diminish it just because you two are such cowards you can never admit it to each other at the same time."

Lee can feel Kara want to pull away but he holds on that much tighter.

"Let me ask you this Major, with all my talk of destiny, all my talk of paths, journeys, and sacrifice, did you ever once think of yourself?"

"When could I?" Lee replies. "This whole time you were only telling me about how I didn't belong here. How this was her journey and you never understood why I was here."

Leoben smiles and Lee squeezes her hand more for himself than her. If this thing starts to laugh at him in anyway, he wonders if the rules had changed enough for him to be able to finally punch it.

"I was ill informed," is all he says. "I couldn't see it when you two were apart, but now it is so clear it's almost blinding."

He looks down at their hands clutching so tightly, before moving from the table so he could look them both in the eye.

"A good rope has many strands," he begins. "They twist and overlap, to the point where you cannot tell one strand from the other, to the point where it is so strong severing these bonds cannot be accomplished in one single cut."

They both look at each other. "Your destinies are so intertwined," Leoben continues. "That not even the gods themselves could tell them apart."

Kara's gaze turns questioning and Lee knows his own has turned the same.

"That doesn't make any sense," he throws in. "If my destiny was so intertwined with hers, how come I never had any clues to my place like she had? Where were you telling me what I had to do?"

"Tell me Apollo," Leoben throws back. "Who is paying attention to a god?" His eyes move to Kara. "When he is continually being outshone by a star?"

Lee wants to say something to that, but Leoben cuts him off.

"The how and why doesn't really matter now. The both of you are here for a reason."

Leoben moves to stand in front of them.

"We know where Earth is," he says placing his hands on each of their shoulders. "And we're going to take you there."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

They are on New Caprica. Moonlight covers the barren ground and random shrubbery and it takes a moment for Lee's eyes to adjust. Leoben isn't there again, and Kara is standing a few feet away staring at something on the ground. He follows her line of sight to see the clothes they wore the night they weren't afraid anymore. The night they finally consummated their drawn out and frakked up relationship.

"I know the gods can have a twisted sense of humor," Kara says, her eyes still focused on the ground. "But this is just..."

Lee smiles weakly, at least she didn't sound angry anymore.

"Just?" He asks.

"Mean."

He laughs to himself and quickly erases the distance between them, enfolding her in his arms before she could even think of protesting, and feels a small sense of relief when she doesn't. Her arms wrap around his neck, and her head rests gently on his shoulder. 

"I saw you die," he says softly into the nape of her neck.

"I had to," she replies.

He doesn't say anything else at the moment, just nods against her. He wishes this is how it could have ended the last time they were here. He wishes that he hadn't woken up alone that morning after finally being brave enough to tell her how he felt. After shouting to the gods that Lee Adama loved Kara Thrace.

"They want to pull you down with me," she says against him. "We're destined, how frakked up is that?"

"You make it sound like I'm stuck with you."

"Story of your life isn't it?"

Interesting choice of words, he thinks, welcoming this change of pace. This chance to finally stand still with Kara.

"I need to tell you something," he says pulling back so he can look at her. "Leoben, whoever, whatever he is, showed me things. Things I don't think I was ever supposed to see."

Kara's eyebrow rises in curiosity.

"About you."

She nods for him to go on.

"I saw your father leave. I say him say his goodbye to you without the words."

He can feel her go rigid against him but he continues.

"I saw what your mother did to you." He grabs the hand she pulled away from him earlier and kisses it gently. "I saw your tears, felt your pain."

"Gods dammit Lee," she mumbles against him. "Don't you frakking make me cry."

"I saw your last pyramid game," he keeps going. "That dirty hit that ruined your knee. I saw you with my..."

He pulls away slightly to cup her chin between his thumb and finger, bringing her eyes to meet his. "I saw you with Zak. I saw how happy you were."

His heart breaks for what feels like the hundredth time in this place at the sight of her tears.

"He wanted to make me understand why you have done what you've done. He wanted me to see you for all you really are. It's strange; I thought no one else knew you like I do."

"You were wrong," she says softly, seeing his eyes drop in disappointment, she amends the statement. "You get me," she says moving her head back to his shoulder. "There's a difference. You get me without knowing all the crappy details, without ever having to ask."

He squeezes her slightly.

"And you never asked" she repeats. "Because you never had to. You would just look at me and sometimes it felt like you could see right through me."

He can't help but smile against her at that.

"I don't think I ever told you how much that scared the hell out of me."

"You didn't," he replies and feels her nod against him. "Is it different?" He asks. " Now that I know?"

"I'm not sure," she replies. "But do me a favor."

"Anything, you know that."

"Let it go."

He looks down at her in surprise and she offers him a small smile and shrugs. "I did."

Finding himself at a loss for words he only nods his head once in reply.

"How long do you think we have?" He asks after a few minutes.

"I'm not sure," she sighs. "They said they were going to take us to Earth and they brought us here."

"For such a preordained path it has more twists than an Athena roll," he jokes lamely but is rewarded with a laugh.

She looks back up at him shifting slightly against his body and wrapping her arms around his neck again.

"Maybe they wanted this to happen," she suggests.

"Maybe," he concedes lifting his hand to run softly down her cheek. "Does this mean you forgive me?" He asks in a whisper. "For dying?"

Her lips brush gently against his. "You know better than that," she replies.

He can only smile in response. "Before we go," she continues, not breaking his gaze. "I want you to meet someone."

He looks and her questioningly.

"Trust me." 


	6. Chapter 6End

They are in an apartment on Caprica. It only takes a second for Lee to realize it's the same one he'd appeared in the first time. It only takes another second the realize it's not the same time period as before. He's in the kitchen standing in front of the dinner table that has a file left open on top of it, medical papers strewn about, and he wonders who they're for and what they mean. 

He turns toward the living room and sees that the piano is still there, mother Thrace must have had a soft spot for it, though he can't help but think it hasn't been touched since that day. Kara is waiting for him at the front of the hallway and he starts toward her when he notices the medal mounted on the wall. He'd seen it out of the corner of his eye before, but hadn't gotten a good look because it hadn't really registered in his mind. He takes the time to look.

The Colonial Marines medal of valor. It's impressive. They don't hand these out lightly.

Kara clears her throat and Lee nods moving toward her. She moves backward through the hallway, staying a few feet ahead, wordlessly leading him to the room at the end. He feels the slightest apprehension and what he might walk into. It seems like there are far too many bad memories here for such a small living space.

Kara disappears behind the door.

It's late afternoon, golden sunlight spills into the room through half drawn shudders. Kara is already standing on the left side of the bed looking down at the woman whose medal Lee was just admiring.

Socrata Thrace is close to death. The simple act of breathing looking like more effort than it's worth. She doesn't appear to notice either of them. He finds himself drifting to the right side of the bed. He doesn't know what to say. His first instinct is to yell at this woman. For being an abusive, frak up, piss poor excuse of a mother. He wants to lean over her and curse her for ever having the audacity to hurt Kara. It's surprising this anger. It bubbles to the surface so quickly.

He looks over to her questioningly, thinks of the favor she asked him, and decides it best to say nothing at all.

"Mama," Kara says causing the dying woman's eyes to open. "This is Major Lee Adama."

Despite the massive effort it seems to take, Socrata forces her head to turn in his direction, rasing a shaky hand in salute. Lee returns the gesture without thinking.

He looks down at the scrap book she has opened on her lap, sees childhood memories of Kara plastered across the pages. At least in some small way this woman appeared to care for her daughter. It's enough to feel his anger toward her evaporate just as quickly as it had arrived.

Kara is watching them so intently Lee is unsure what else to do.

"He's special too," Socrata whispers hoarsely. 

His eyes shoot back to Kara.

"How can you tell Mama?" She asks.

"He's with you," Socrata replies, never taking her eyes off of Lee.

Kara smiles sadly and Lee understands why she brought him here. She has no family. She'd lost it long before the attacks. And despite how horrible the family she had may have been, there was still a part of her that was that little girl he'd seen.

Kara just wanted to be able to introduce him to her mother. And despite having no clear definition of their relationship, whatever he was to her, having someone important to you meet your parents is just something you did. 

He smiles softly to himself. She'd lied a little about letting it go. But with this exchange it seems like she can finally be able to leave it all behind.

"Come on," she says drifting backward.

"We're just going to leave?" He asks.

"I've seen this part already," she replies quietly. "I know how it ends."

Lee nods and starts to follow, but pauses at the foot of the bed. He isn't sure why, but he removes his wings from his lapel and moves to set them on the pillow next to Kara's mother. Socrata Thrace closes her eyes and he knows she doesn't have much time left. 

Kara smiles approvingly at the small exchange and offers her hand for him to take.

"Where are we going now?" He asks.

"Home."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

They are on the observation deck of the Battlestar Galactica. And no, they both know they aren't really on the old ship, but the familiarity is comforting and Lee can't help but think that the gods do have a twisted sense of humor. They put you through hell, and then they send you home.

Leoben, or not-Leoben, as Lee has been thinking of him, hasn't made an appearance since he promised to take them to Earth. Lee knows that they probably won't see him again. He'd gotten his point across. He'd shown them their path.

Kara stands next to him twisting the ring around her thumb and tapping her foot in impatience. They've been waiting for their destiny to show up for what feels like quite awhile. He watches out of the corner of his eye thinking that it only took a little thing like death to finally get them here.

He also thinks that the old line floating around the bucket since the attacks, where goes Starbuck so goes Apollo, is true in every sense of the word. He turns his head to look at her. That reminds him.

"I have to ask you something," he says.

She turns her head to him, eyebrow cocked.

"Starbucker?"

She laughs lightly and punches him on the shoulder. It's been so long since she's heard the name with the extra 'er' attached.

"You heard him?"

"Yeah. It made me realize I never got an answer out of you."

She smiles at him, that old mischief in her eyes revealing itself for the first time since their reunion. He'd missed it.

"You only asked once," she replies. "And that was after Zak introduced us."

"Yeah, and you never answered me then either."

Kara clucks her tongue and thinks about not telling him, about teasing him and letting him sweat over not knowing yet another thing about her. But then she realizes that he's already seen so much of her already. One more little detail isn't going to make that much of a difference.

"My father used to call me it when I was a kid," She offers."He'd given me my first paint set when I was four and I couldn't get enough of it. I would stop doing anything else until I'd finished what I'd started. I wouldn't sleep, I refused to eat. He said that when I put my mind to something, the stars themselves would buck to get out of my way."

Lee smiles at that. "Sounds about right," he says.

She laughs again and bumps his shoulder with her own.

"Hey," she says turning serious. "I see something."

He turns to try and follow her line of sight, but can't see what she does at first. All he sees is the endless black of space. He hears Kara's breath catch and all of a sudden it's there, bright blue and green and habitable. The salvation awaiting the remnants of mankind. A sprawling, gleaming, gift from the gods.

"That's it," Kara says next to him. "That's Earth."

Lee can't help the smile that comes, the feeling of elation. To see the spoils of such a forsaken odyssey come to pass is almost indescribable. They've found it. They've finally found it.

Kara must be thinking the same because she isn't talking. Her eyes are as wide and full of awe as any happy moment he's ever seen her in. Of any feelings of goodwill she's ever considered herself worthy of.

Still, a part of him can't help but think that it's so small. That a society of billions spread across twelve worlds, now reduced to mere thousands, are looking for life on a single solitary planet. 

"We have to go back," Kara says, her voice a mere whisper. "We have to show the others."

He looks at her and knows it's true. They will reunite with the fleet somehow. They will show them the way.

It's their destiny after all.

"That question you asked me," he says, waiting for her eyes to find his.

She knows which one he means without having to ask.

'If I leave Sam, will you still leave Dee?'

"What about it?"

"When we get back home, when this is all over," he says reaching for her. "Ask me again."

Lee takes Kara's hand as the thirteenth colony of the lords of kobol spins on its axis below. Their eyes shine at one another, and lips match in a knowing smile.

This is his place.

This is his time.

This is where he belongs. 


End file.
